Lee Wochner: Writer. Director. Writing instructor. Thinker about things.


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My love for the big inappropriate liquor-hawking clown

August 21st, 2009

Some images are so wrong that you just have to develop a deep love for them. The bigger such an image is, the better.

Like Chicken Boy, “the statue of liberty of Los Angeles.”

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Like the ballerina clown of Venice, Los Angeles.

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And the Circus Liquor clown.

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The Circus Liquor clown adorns a grubby liquor store in a tatty neighborhood of North Hollywood not far from my home (which is in a much nicer section, of Burbank, I assure you). Several times over the past 20 years, the clown has successfully lured me into the liquor store, where I’ve found dead flies, snacks coated in dust, and odd old liquors last seen in early adaptations of “Treasure Island.” I may be slow, but even I have finally realized that it’s the clown I love, and he’s best admired from outside the store.

Anyone who has ever visited a circus or, even better, a carnival, knows the relationship between besotted leering clowns such as this and kiddie entertainment. The performers or ride operators are often people surprised to find themselves having come to this, and so they hit the bottle every night — even while operating the Whirl-A-Gig with screaming kids inside. (I have seen this, and I’ll bet you have too.) Bobcat Goldthwait certainly understands this dynamic, as he demonstrated in his misunderstood cinematic classic, “Shakes the Clown.” (Which I recommend unreservedly.)

If you are sadly far removed by distance and circumstance from your own wide-eyed admiration of the Circus Liquor clown, I now present you with good news. 3 Fish Studios in San Francisco has decided to pay tribute to iconic LA images with a series of collectible but low-priced lino-cuts, and they have shown the eminent good taste to include the Circus Liquor clown. Here’s more information about the whole series and where to get it, and just to show you what you should be buying while it’s available, here’s the Circus Liquor clown, made even more sinister via art.

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Finally, I leave you with this. The cohort of Circus Liquor clown admirers grows daily. When I shared with my good friend the playwright Ross Tedford Kendall my admiration for the liquor clown, he smartly emailed me this strip from Bill Griffiths. As with so many other fine things in life, Zippy the Pinhead is ahead of the curve.

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Taking my prescription

August 18th, 2009

I guess my refusal to fund the federal Democrats any more until they really do something already has them scrambling in DC. According to the New York Times, Democratic strategists have actually counted the number of Democrats in Congress and have realized that they don’t need any Republicans to pass health care. This is something that those of us with better arithmetic skills figured out months ago.

My “favorite” part of this story (and I use the word “favorite” here with full sarcasm):

[This realization] could alter the dynamic of talks surrounding health care legislation, and even change the substance of a final bill. With no need to negotiate with Republicans, Democrats might be better able to move more quickly, relying on their large majorities in both houses.

Are we paying these guys? Because it beggars the imagination to figure out how they rose to such high stations in life if they couldn’t figure this out until now. If only the Bush/Cheney regime had been so politically clueless.

Dream date

August 18th, 2009

If I were Barbara Boxer, whom would I hope, wish, and pray to run against in November of next year?

Why, precisely the person who today filed papers to run:  Carly Fiorina. Her term as CEO of Hewlett Packard was such a disaster they should’ve renamed the company Hewlett Edsel.

Here’s my favorite line from the story in today’s LA Times:

Fiorina was fired from Hewlett Packard after a rocky tenure marked by lavish compensation, layoffs and a messy merger.

Oh, is that all. Wow. What a great time in the zeitgeist to run with that resume. Perhaps we should add:  “And then served as a senior adviser to John McCain’s presidential campaign.” With a resume so untrammeled by success, I’m surprised Fiorina didn’t move over to AIG.

The Boxer campaign will doubtless act down-in-the-mouth about the prospects of squaring off against what they’ll play up as the fearsome and well-financed Fiorina. But secretly they must be licking their lips.

Tickets to Ride

August 17th, 2009

There are two games coming out next month that I’m eagerly awaiting. One is, of course, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. In which, finally, I will have to choose sides in the Marvel superhero civil war. Until now I had been an innocent bystander. One of the differences between video games and comics:  the former makes you an active participant.

That, naturally, is the main lure of video games, which takes me to the other game I’m anticipating,  The Beatles: Rock Band. I play Rock Band often. Just last week my adult niece Lisa was in town, and she and I and my three kids formed The All-Wochner Band. We broke up even faster than Milli Vanilli, and were about as talented (especially when I was on drums). The highlight was watching my 6-year-old son, microphone in hand, unhesitatingly belt out “Eye of the Tiger.” The lowlight was me crashing and burning on one of my beloved Nirvana songs. My failure was so complete that after three abortive attempts I blamed the song. I carry the shame with me. This is all great fun, but in no way compares with the vicarious thrill of reimagining yourself as one of the Beatles. This is as close as almost all of us will get (some others of us form Beatles cover bands, sentencing themselves to a lifetime of out-of-date haircuts). I long to sing “I Am the Walrus,” a song that I once theorized, in a paper I presented to the right-wing evangelical religious high school I attended, was an indictment of God. I’m also interested in taking a whack at “Why Don’t We Do it in the Road.” I hope they’re both in the game. (Kinda doubt it about the latter.)

If the main attraction to this game is the idea of sitting in as a faux fab four, I have to wonder two things:  1) Who would choose to be Ringo? On its face, this seems unanswerable. It’s almost a twist on the old Groucho Marx line:  You wouldn’t want to play with anyone who would want to be Ringo. And 2) Given that these remain almost assuredly the most famous four faces of the past 50 years, why aren’t their avatars a better resemblance? George looks close, but Paul and John don’t. Judge for yourself. Here’s the “Ticket to Ride” video from the game, coming out on the cute release date of 9/9/09.

And here are the human versions lip-synching to the same hit video. You’ll note how much more like the real Beatles they look here. And by the way, check out John’s mug to the camera at 1:39, as he lets us in on the little secret that they’re lip-synching, or George’s knowing look later on. That sort of clowning was essential to the Beatles, and I hope it made it into the game too.

The joker’s not laughing

August 17th, 2009

The LA Times reveals the artist behind the Obama Joker image I revile — and he doesn’t like how it’s being used either.

Movie credit

August 17th, 2009

How bad has the credit crunch been? Let’s just note that Steven Spielberg couldn’t get credit.

My rapid response

August 16th, 2009

The other day I got a phone call from a woman soliciting money for Democratic Senate campaigns. Without her knowing it, she had made the mistake of calling me shortly after I had attended that town hall on health care, and after I had read with shame in the L.A. Times just how many thousands of people, many of them middle class, who had shown up for a day of free medical treatment at a special outdoor clinic because they couldn’t afford health care.

Here’s how our conversation went:

Her:  I’m calling on behalf of the Democratic Senate Campaign Committee. We’re asking you to please help make health-care reform a reality by making a donation today. You know, we can’t do it without you. Could you pledge $200?

Me:  Why not?

Her:  Oh, wonderful. Thank you.

Me:  No, why not? Why can’t you do health-care reform without me?

Her:  Excuse me?

Me:  You say you can’t do health-care reform without me. And I want to know why not.

Her:  I don’t understand.

Me:  It seems to me that Democrats control the presidency, the House, and the Senate, and in the Senate they have a filibuster-proof majority. So what do they need me for? More specifically, what do they need my money for? They should just do it.

Her:  Yes, don’t you want us to keep the pressure on them?

Me:  Sure. Get off the phone and call them! That’s what I’m doing! I’m emailing them and I’m calling them. I don’t know why they don’t just pass it! They hold all the levers of power in their hands! Why they would need two hundred bucks from me is a mystery. Tell them to pass it!

A friend of mine who has done telemarketing tells me that he’s sure that after that call, the caller went into the call leader’s room and asked for talking points to counter future such responses.

While they’re figuring out their response, here’s mine:  No. No more money to federal-government Democrats until they do what they said they were going to do. If Arlen Specter now wants to be a Democrat, he needs to act like one. If Dianne Feinstein wants to retain the D after her name, she needs to vote like one. In the meantime, I’m not sending another nickel to any of them.

Message to a recent houseguest

August 12th, 2009

I just drank that last beer you left in the refrigerator. And you’re right, Smithwick’s is a pretty good beer. Just for the record.

Health scare event

August 12th, 2009

As threatened, I did attend Congressman Adam Schiff’s town hall on health care last night in Alhambra. The print media pegged attendance at “hundreds,” but they left early so they could meet their print deadlines, and therefore missed counting all the people who continued to stream to the event. Absolutely there were a thousand people, and perhaps two thousand.

Especially after watching video clips from other town halls, I have to credit whoever organized Schiff’s event, because clearly somebody has been learning from past mistakes. Whereas Arlen Specter and Claire McCaskill’s events look very much like cases of David getting thrown to the lions — one lone senator trying to survive in an arena of bloodlust — the Schiff event was a master class in control. Someone earned his or her pay by designating a moderator — a practicing physician who is also the health correspondent for our local NBC affiliate — and by populating the dais with the proverbial “panel of experts,” including a representative of Kaiser Permanente, a citizens’ watchdog, another actively engaged activist and, sitting off to the side, the Congressman himself, doing his best to defer to others. So while Specter and McCaskill were primary targets, Schiff was shielded by three other people and a semi-celebrity moderator. That’s pretty smart. Somebody owes that moderator in particular a round of drinks, because no matter what he did half the crowd was prepared to boo him.

My reading of the crowd:  60% in favor of health-care reform, even if unsure exactly what shape it should take. Thirty percent opposed to any health-care reform, no matter what shape it would take. And a minimum 20% absolutely bat-shit crazy. (And yes, clearly there’s some overlap in these groups.) One question directed to Schiff:  Would he support health-care reform even if his constituents are opposed? To which he replied smartly, “The vast majority of my constituents want it.” Which looked to be true from this crowd, and looks to be true from polling.

There were so many wonderfully enchanting signs and scenes at this event that it’s hard to know where to end. But here are just some of the most colorful images.

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The sign on the left wins my personal award for most whack-a-doodle. You’ll note that Obama has been caracturized as The Joker, and then captioned as being part of a “Marxist jihad” and then labeled an “ineligible usurper.” While we’re at it, I suspect he tears the tags off mattresses, spits on sidewalks, and is in a gay marriage with the Tooth Fairy. Where to begin? Although it should go without saying, I can’t help but say it:  The Joker is an anarchist opposed to all systems; Marxism is at its heart collectivist; a jihad is a militant religious action; and Obama was duly elected to lead a representative system. So the sign really runs the board of diametrically opposed belief systems and blames him somehow for all of them. And why? Because he wants to expand health care. To me, this seems like hyperbole. But hey, I deal with meaning for a living, so what do I know?

The sign on the right (held by the same man!) actually makes a fair point:  that the Constitution does not address health care, and therefore the government has no role to play. This is the strict construction / originalist argument. Some of us would note that the Constitution makes no provision for paving roads, either, and the government seems to be doing that to the objection of no one, but nevertheless there is the glimmer of a true argument to be made here. But I think if you’re carrying the other sign in your left hand, you not only aren’t entitled to make the argument on the other sign, you probably aren’t capable.

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The sign in the rear center reads, “No Marxism.” I agree. And I don’t think Karl Marx would have cut a deal with the pharmaceutical companies, which is something Obama has done, so I think we’re safe. Wish granted! By the way, one of the people in the middle distance is an off-duty fireman wearing a fire department t-shirt and a scowl. To almost every comment from everyone on the dais, he yelled out, “It’s socialism!” I couldn’t get to him in the crowd, or I would have asked him what this meant. If he meant that it’s socialism because the government would be paying for the service, I would have asked him how often the fire department sends out bills to individual taxpayers for putting out a fire. Because if they don’t — isn’t that socialism? The same with those pesky police who are always showing up and stopping crime without issuing an invoice. It’s socialism! It’s like we’re all forced to pay for this crime prevention thing!

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This woman’s sign was simultaneously educational and completely baffling to me. I had not known that Jefferson, Adams, and Madison were right-wing extremists. But for the sign, nor would I have known that this woman herself was also a right-wing extremist. I applaud her courage for outing herself. It reminds me of how the Manson family entered the courtroom back in their day:  with chin held high. But what was her point? This was a town hall on health care. I don’t recall Jefferson, Adams, or Madison ever being concerned with the issue of health care, except when they were desperately hoping that the ailing Caesar Rodney would show up to cast a vote for independence. So I asked her, “What does your sign mean?” She said, “Did you go to school?” I told her that indeed I had gone to school — many of them! — and had come away with multiple degrees. She shook her head and walked off. So the meaning of her sign remains a mystery. Any ideas, anyone? Because I really think she thinks she making some point that, well, she isn’t. Oh, and I also told her I was rather well-versed in the Founding Fathers if she’d like to discuss them, but she really wasn’t interested in that. She just wants to be associated with them, the way many people do with, say, Jesus:  without showing any of that Jesus-like wisdom and tolerance.

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Finally, we have this. This is the cover to a booklet disseminated at the event by those ardent Democrats, the disciples of Lyndon LaRouche. If you can’t explain how Jefferson, Adams, and Madison were right-wing extremists who are somehow opposed to health care, perhaps you can help me understand two things:  1) how Obama time-traveled back to the 1930’s to cook up evil with Hitler; and 2) precisely how 86-year-old Lyndon Hermyle LaRouche has become an object of worship among a certain segment of deranged 18-to-24-year-old unwashed political cultist. Taking  these issues separately, as repulsive as Obama may find this image, I think it would equally dismay Hitler to find himself associating with a man from the future who is the product of race-mingling, someone who so clearly refutes every notion ever held dear by der Fuhrer. All that invading and killing and genocide, all for naught. In fact, I hope that in whatever white-hot corner of Hell Hitler is currently residing, part of his perpetual ordeal is having to stare at precisely this image, replete with fetching young Aryan women openly adoring the half-African man. Man, that is delicious irony. Re my second question — how the cult of LaRouche is able to attract disaffected aimless young people — my best theory is this:  I guess the Hare Krishnas need better marketing these days.

There were many more fun and misleading signs and brochures from people trying to disrupt and distract. But there is one that I wish I’d gotten a picture of, and it’s from the opposite point of view. It’s just as simplistic and illogical as the others, but it made me laugh and it didn’t malign a duly elected native-born American leader who is being figuratively tarred and feathered because he wants to help 50 million of his fellow citizens get access to health care before the entire U.S. economy is bankrupted by skyrocketing medical expenses.  It was held by a passionate woman in her 30’s, and here’s what it said:  “We won. So suck it.” Hey — a sign that speaks for me.

A dose of the surreal

August 11th, 2009

This runs just under 2 minutes and is from Senator Claire McCaskill’s town hall on health care earlier today. Most of it is Senator McCaskill trying to get Missourans to show a little respect.

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