Here it is. Let the battle begin!

This is deliciously bad. As such, this scene from some long-lost movie may provide the finest entertainment of your day. I know it amused and entertained me.

By the way, despite claims to the contrary, this does not represent the worst acting ever. That distinction belongs to some odd-looking and unremarked character actor who auditioned for me 15 years ago and who at the end of his audition proudly punctuated the end of his standing monologue by planting one foot atop the seat of a nearby chair much in the way of an imagined Admiral Wellington or Napoleon Bonaparte. After he left, my producing partner said she didn’t believe any part of this man’s monologue. I replied, “I didn’t even believe the way he put his foot on the chair.”

This video therefore represents the second-worst acting ever. Although I’m open to other nominees, if you’d care to comment. And I suppose I’d nominate a third-worst: Nicolas Cage’s performance, such as it was, in last year’s “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call: New Orleans,” in which Cage’s lieutenant is best described as a cackling hunchback. Now that was pure enjoyment!

Better than Batman vs. The Hulk (but not as good as Superman vs. Muhammad Ali), we bring you “SuperFriends.”

One of these shows I’ve never seen, and I’ll bet you can guess which one. (Yes, it’s the one without the capes.)

Living inside my house we have four people (and a fifth who still lives here occasionally), a dog, and assorted spiders that my daughter is always aghast to find lurking unexpectedly in some corner.

Outside in addition to the expected flying and crawling insects, and worms, we have a squirrel who proudly serves as our dog’s arch-nemesis, baiting her and chittering at her whenever given the opportunity, at least one patchy brown opossum who plays dead quite convincingly, tree rats in the palm trees towering nearby, hummingbirds — and a nest of mourning doves that lives in our cactus. That’s right, in our cactus.

That’s them right in the center. There are two parents and two recently hatched chicks in the nest. Just two weeks later, the chicks are almost as large as the parents. This nest is eye-level with me, which might beg the question, what bird would build a nest here? Isn’t it easy prey for predators — like raccoons, which we also might have, or neighborhood cats? But note two things:  Look how well the birds and their nest blend in with the bark of the cactus; color-blind animals will have a challenge seeing them there. (So did I, at first.) Note also the severe challenge to entry:  Yes, there’s a wall behind the tree, but the entire nest is surrounded by a thicket of cactus needles no animal wants to brave.

Here’s another shot, below. From this angle, you can see how the birds get in:  There’s one clear angle of approach for flying in. But in the photo above you can see that any other way in is fraught with danger for would-be marauders.

It’s absolutely ingenious.

Man vs. Octopus!

I have several friends waiting for the next generation of the iPhone. They’re waiting/hoping for a front-facing camera, longer battery life, 4G, and availability to Verizon as a carrier.

Now it looks like they’re going to get at least those first three wishes granted soon. (And a lot more, like a flash feature for the camera.) Someone “left” a prototype iPhone 4G in a bar in Redwood City, California — where it was discovered, disassembled, and analyzed by Gizmodo. Here’s that story, along with videos showing off the new features.

(Direct message to various Comic-Con friends: This should answer your question of “When should I buy an iPhone?” Answer: When this comes out.)

By the way:  The story of the prototype phone having gotten “accidentally” left behind sure sounds like a prototype of its own — for a marketing campaign. Note that Gizmodo, above,

The gentleman in this picture, Robert Kiprono Cheruiyot of Kenya, just finished the Boston Marathon in record time:  2 hours, 5 minutes and 52 seconds. He thereby shattered the previous record of 2:07:14 (“shattered” being a relative term here), set in 2006 by Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot. The two Robert K. Cheruiyots are unrelated, which leaves me thinking that in Kenya the name Robert K. Cheruiyot is the equivalent of James Smith or Juan Garcia here. (And yes, I know a James Smith and a Juan Garcia.)

There’s no confusing either Robert K. Cheruiyot with me, though. I myself ran a marathon in late 2008. My time was closer to 2 days, 5 minutes, and 52 seconds.

As frequent readers of this blog may have noted, I’ve been traveling frequently since January. (I was in Irvine on Monday, San Francisco on Tuesday, Denver on Wednesday, and between now and next month I’ll be in Napa Valley, Philadelphia/NJ, Utah, Omaha, San Francisco again, and probably some other places.) The successful outcome of all of these trips to some degree require internet technology — the ability to access the web on location, and to project video and Powerpoint and audio. Past experience has taught me that it’s best to bring the tech with you. Dating back to my adolescence when I was a comic-book dealer exhibiting at one or two conventions a weekend, I learned the hard way that when you didn’t bring it with you, whatever was provided just wasn’t enough.

I saw that again in January when I attended Twiistup, a two-day confab in Los Angeles where tech startups make presents to venture capitalists and angel funders. The tech guys weren’t able to get WiFi to work for much of the conference, and the projector and screen rarely seemed to be in synch. I felt bad for the presenters, all of whom are timed, who complained that their time was cut in half because of faulty tech. And this was at a tech event.

That doesn’t top this story, though. This weekend I’m at the California Democratic Convention. A friend just sent me this text:

So, at the Computer and Internet caucus, they couldn’t get their Powerpoint to project properly, and they had no internet connection.

I’m sorry to hear that. But any more:  I’m not surprised. So if you see me in some airport around the country lugging around my laptop, and a projector, and even a small case of speakers, you’ll understand why.

What’s the one jury you definitely don’t want to serve on?

It’s not a homicide prosecution, or a lengthy federal trial.

No, it’s the drama jury for the Pulitzer Prize. At least as a member of the jury on a homicide or any other trial, you’d get listened to in the end. As a member of the drama jury for the Pulitzer, you’re likely to do your service and then get utterly ignored. That’s the ignominious pattern of the drama jury. Here’s Charles McNulty on how that feels.

 They’re all good, but I have a special fondness for:

• WeightNags, which sends dieters mildly abusive weekly messages to “encourage” them
• the company that offers testicular implants for dogs, to “allow your pet to retain his natural look [and] self esteem”
• and the drive-through strip joint in New Alexandria, Pennsylvania. Because, you know, men in New Alexandria, Pennsylvania are so busy they don’t know whether they’re coming or going.

Click here to see them all.