It was with great sadness that I learned a minute ago of the death of Don Van Vliet, a.k.a. Captain Beefheart. The music the Captain made with his Magic Band was unlike anything before it, or after it: an odd mix of jazz, R&B, zydeco, avant garage rock ‘n’ roll, and everything in between, all of it wonderful when mixed together.

Captain Beefheart’s last album, “Ice Cream for Crow,” was released almost 20 years ago, and no more were planned. Disgruntled at low sales and a sense that his sound had been ripped off by punks without his getting any acknowledgement (check out “Ashtray Heart” and draw your own conclusion, although it should be said that The White Stripes did later cover this song), he retired from music, focusing instead on his burgeoning visual art career. I didn’t expect any more music, but I liked knowing that he was around. And now I’m hoping that the Magic Band will resurface for a tribute concert.

Although I went on to delight in such albums as “Trout Mask Replica” and “Doc at the Radar Station,” it was “Shiny Beast (Bat Chain Puller)” that was the LP that introduced me to the Captain, and it remains close to my heart. Here are two representative tracks that highlight both the Magic Band’s fearsome musicianship and Captain Beefheart’s astonishing vocal range. The cover painting is by Beefheart.

The new year is around the corner. If you don’t like the year that’s ending, I have some advice:  Don’t repeat it next year.

Earlier this year, one of my friends was given a rare opportunity:  a one-year fellowship on the east coast where she could pursue her writing with no expenses and with a good strong stipend. This would mean, however, leaving all her friends on the west coast, and, more dramatically, her sinecure position at a major university, where they give you all those things that so many people are wishing they had right now:  a steady job with retirement benefits and a 401k and health and medical and flexible hours and many other perks. She would have to leave that and roll the dice for this one-year gig. I told her to do it. I couldn’t imagine a reason not to. She doesn’t have any dependents. And I’m confident that some other opportunity will arise for her by the end of this fellowship — and if it doesn’t, she’ll have to go make one of some kind.

But here’s the even better story.

A few years ago the business of one of my very best friends was failing. This business had been up to then the entirety of his professional career, and it was important work, the sort that all of us need to have done at some point or another, and he was very very good at it. But his local market had shifted dramatically and business had shrunk for years, and now he was facing real trouble. During one soul-searching phone call, I could hear the panic and upset in his voice. I told him something like this:  “You know, you can do anything you want to. You don’t have to run this business any more. What do you have to be afraid of? You’re smart, and you’re healthy, and people like you. You’ve got half your life ahead of you. Go do something else. Go do something you want to. Your life can be anything you want it to be.” I know we hear this sort of thing all the time, but it’s like the muzak in the background:  We don’t really listen to it. But unbelievably, thankfully, my friend actually heard this and now — and here’s the beautiful thing — now he’s in the business of caring for people and saving their lives. Earlier tonight here’s what he emailed me (I’ve edited out a little personal information):

Lee:

I’m going to South Africa in March.

Going with [other medical professionals] from [big-name university].

Visiting HIV wards out in the countryside, big hospitals in Johannesburg.
Helping nurses there, observing.
Visiting the prison where Mandela was held, on Robben Island.

I just found out, and had to tell someone.

If you think this couldn’t have been you, you’re wrong. The shackles on us are placed there by ourselves; every day should be a willful decision to lead the life you’re leading. For myself, I’m having incredible fun lately, really. My new plays are humming along (I’m always writing more than one), my business is doing very well and I’m having a blast working on what we’re working on, I’m grateful for my wife and my family and my friends and my business partner and the people I work with. Life is good. It may seem unkind to say that when so many people are struggling through very difficult economic times right now. But I think it would be crueler to not hold out the hope that for many of the people we know, they could make a change if they wanted to. If your 2010 wasn’t what you wanted, perhaps now is the time to ask yourself how to make the most of 2011.

In the meantime, I’m very proud to know the man going to South Africa to help the sick and the dying, and to call him my friend.

There is perhaps nothing so bad and so dangerous in life as fear — Jawaharlal Nehru

You’ve probably been wondering where you can play nog pong this holiday season.

Here’s where.

Here’s the latest nonsense fear cooked up by someone somewhere to keep us in a state of purposeless panic:  Supposedly, kids are now snorting nutmeg.

This is only the latest unfounded threat trundling our way. My second-favorite remains that your ringing cellphone might electrocute you.  The title of favorite false alarm goes to those “killer bees” that have been winging their way to us since the 1970’s. Those are some very slow bees.

Here’s the thing that nobody will ever email you, that you won’t see in the news — and I say this will full awareness of the recent financial struggles many people have faced — for the vast majority of people on the planet, things have never been better. Bubonic plague is just about gone; few of us have landed lieges forcing us to scrape in the muck all day; mortality during childbirth is at an all-time low; five out of six of us can get a drink of water easily; and more people have more regular access to education and information than ever before in history.

I’ll take all of that, and a lot more I could list, over misguided fears that somewhere some bored adolescent may have snorted nutmeg. And y’know what? If he did, he deserves whatever nasty little high he got. Because I can’t even stand the taste of nutmeg. I can only imagine how thrilling it is stuffed into your head.

Here’s the “alternate ending” for the forthcoming “Yogi Bear” CGI movie. Let’s just say that if this is how the movie goes, then I will be seeing it after all.

From ShalomLife.com:

For the past 30 years the most famous of Jewish symbols was prominently displayed at Tehran’s airport and, embarrassingly enough, was only discovered now.

The building, which currently houses Iran’s national airline, Iran Air, was built by Israeli engineers prior to the 1979 Islamic Revolution. On the roof of the building the Israeli engineers left a massive Star of David which was hidden in plain view until today. The symbol was discovered by someone through Google Maps.

Ahmadinejad is said to be furious and has already ordered its destruction. If asked nicely, I’m sure the Israeli Airforce will be happy to assist.

In our college group, my friend Joe was a legendary poker player. Legendary for being the worst poker player imaginable. In the words of my late father as he was leaving our private game one night in a suite I booked at Harrah’s Marina in Atlantic City, “Joe shouldn’t play cards.” Joe is one of my favorite people — highly amusing, witty, and full of life. But no matter how acerbic, he doesn’t have the sort of killer instinct that makes you a good poker player. (One indication:  His favorite game to call is Indian.) He’d rather enjoy the company, and if that means losing enough to stay in the game, that’s enough of a goal.

I now feel the same way about Barack Obama. Except without all that fondness I have for Joe. Joe means a lot to me, but there aren’t millions of people counting on him.

When Obama sat down, the cards were in his favor. Yes, he inherited a crisis of epic proportions — but in that seat, if you don’t inherit one of those, you’d better figure one is on your way. Obama was dealt a huge numerical advantage in both the House and the Senate, and enough sense of crisis that he was able to put in place enormous change. But Obama now strikes me as someone so charmed in so much of his life that he’s ill-equipped to handle setbacks. The GOP captured one — just one — chamber of Congress, and now he’s folding every hand. The deal on the unemployment extension — in which benefits were supplemented in exchange for both an extension of the Bush era taxcuts and a rollback in capital gains — reads like a strong hand played weakly. (For more of the poker metaphor, check out this piece on Slate, which recounts in sad detail all the ways that Obama is throwing away his chips.) From reading Obama’s expression, I’d gauge that he doesn’t like what he sees in the flop. I’ve got news for him:  The turn arrives in January with those new Republicans, and he’s going to like that card even less. A little aggression at the table would help.

Lately, zombies are getting all the attention. This holiday season, mummies are tired of being kept under wraps.

Now that everybody has changed their Facebook avatars back from cartoon characters, how great has the upswing in child abuse been?

I guess comics really aren’t for kids any more.

There was a time when Batman looked like this:

This is more like what you’ll find now:

This isn’t a new trend. Even Wolverine looked a little… milder… in his debut.

Now he’s more likely to look like one of the vicious, battered bums in the backdrop of a Bukowski novel:

But even with all the changes that any character will go through over the course of almost 70 years, I’m still surprised to find what a downer Archie has become. I hated high school, so I couldn’t relate to the character at all, no matter how great a time he seemed to be having with Moose and Jughead and those fetching girls of his. But now even Archie is a victim of the recession, battling joblessness in what Slate calls “a middle-class hell.” Here’s their take on it, and here are some representative graphics. Looks interesting — if you can handle it.