A reader of this site (and, I admit it, friend and mentor) emailed me to bemoan the changes at the beloved Ritz cinemas in Voorhees, NJ (somewhat over the water from Philadelphia).

Hello Lee,
Now I know how you felt when your beloved ‘silents only’ movie house closed.  I just checked the listings for the Ritz 16 and they were gone.  Further searching revealled that a huge chain bought the theater and is making it over into a hit distributor.  Someone else bought the Philly branches and it appears that they are still doing the right thing, but ‘our’ Ritz is gone, despite claims by the new owners that they will devote two out of sixteen screens to art films.
I found a blog that had many posts from equally shocked and disheartened folks.  Some of them had attended the ‘new’ Ritz and were sadly disappointed.  There were reps from the new masters in the lobby telling people that indy films are very slow in the summer, which is why they got replaced by Shrek.  One blog poster responded with a list of 25 art flicks he saw last summer at the Ritz.  So much for that argument.
I posted, answering one question people kept raising.  They wanted to know why the new lords didn’t keep the old policy.  I suggested that, if you already buy the same eight hit movies for all your other outlets, it’s easier to add one more multiplex to that list, rather than deal with some small distributor to rent films that don’t even get advertised on prime time TV.
Anyway, I’m in shock.  I mean, the old Ritz was going to get the new Guy Maddin film.  I was looking forward to seeing it on a big screen.  I ask for justice… DENIED!

Sorry for the rant, but I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.  In protest I’m going to go and re-watch my copy of Donny and Marie Osmond in “Goin’ Coconuts.”  Vive le Cinema.  Or Viva la Cinema.  Whatever.

Inconsolably,         Sad Rich

Dear Sad Rich:  All too often it’s about selling the popcorn rather than the art. Here’s another case. Here’s what I learned from my years working for Twentieth Century Fox:  on first-run films in initial weeks, the distributor gets 70, or 80, or 90, or sometimes even 100% of the ticket (the percentage goes down as the weeks roll by). The theatre gets what’s left (if anything) and the concessions.  So, how much have you spent on popcorn and Coke at the Ritz, and how does that compare against the popcorn-and-Coke sales for the new “Die Hard” movie? I thought so. Same here.

That doesn’t tell the entirety of the tale, though, because I’m sure there’s a good business model for upscale art houses, like the Arclight here in LA.  The Arclight shows both art flicks and major releases, but here are the differences:  it costs more, but in return you get reserve seating and a true and enforced “be quiet” policy. Once upon a time I used to go to art houses — like the delightful Little Art Theatre, in the middle of the woods in Egg Harbor Township, NJ, where my wife and I had our first date (“Rocky Horror Picture Show”) and where later we saw great movies like “Jean de Florette.” But now that I’ve got a Netflix account — 70,000 films and counting, including the complete Werner Herzog (!) — and I’ve got a large cinema-quality screen at home, why hassle with text-messaging and other cellphone interruptions at the movie theatre? There’s only one good reason:  the audience experience. So if it’s a comedy, like “Borat,” you want to see it with an audience. But anything else? I’d rather see it with an audience of 1 to 5 — myself, and maybe assorted family members.

If you don’t have one, it’s time for a Netflix account. And I just checked and yes, they have Guy Maddin’s films in stock.

You decide. Me, I’m hooked. (In my copious free moments.)

On the other hand, perhaps the Microsoft Surface isn’t so cool.

There’s fundraising, and there’s fume-raising. I’ve done some fundraising in my day for causes I believe in. Fume-raising is fundraising that results mostly in making people fume. Here’s an example a friend just emailed me about:

Lee: I haven’t been in the best of moods anyway, but I just had a phone call that has me boiling.

Every week there are calls asking for money for this and that and the other.  This one was from a guy who first tells me that a dozen firefighters have died in the past year protecting me, and then asking for assistance in order to provide better training for firefighters, so that less will die next year.  I don’t know if this guy is representing something legit or simply a con artist boiler room, but either way, to use the recent death of firefighters in [Souther Carolina] as a lever on my wallet…[expletives deleted].

I held my temper, interrupted him and told him I do not make pledges in response to phone calls, and that I found his pitch offensive.  That I did not blame him, as someone else probably wrote it and has him calling and pitching it, but that he should tell his bosses how offensive I found it, and then I hung up.

I don’t know the “cause” in question, but I greatly doubt any donation would be going directly to the families of the firefighters who died in South Carolina. And  so I join you in your outrage.

I also get outraged by the mysterious phone solicitors who hassle my elderly mother at all hours of the day and night for donations. She was writing plenty of those checks until my sister secretly took her checkbook away.

Here’s a great preview of Surface computing, forthcoming this year from Microsoft (and with a tip of the hat to the holographic computer screen predicted — and pre-depicted — in the film Minority Report). It also reminds me of two other things: the iPhone (coming soon to a belt like mine), and the tabletop Ms. Pac-Man I used to play at the Black Cat Inn.

If you’re in your 30’s or up, you’ll enjoy watching this. (Or, actually, not.) The future isn’t coming fast — it’s already here. The culture you grew up in is already gone. (But no matter what happens, we’ll always have annoying Celtic music.)

Yes, you can spend 17 months on “Mars.” Here’s how.

The host of “What’s My Line? Live on Stage” is the funny, personable — and stylish! — J. Keith van Straaten. Before resurrecting “WML?” he hosted this live talk show in L.A. Watch and enjoy.

My firm, Counterintuity, provides cool, fun, “counterintuitive” marketing and strategy solutions to companies. As part of that, we do an awful lot of what feels like playing “What’s My Line?” with clients — figuring out what they do and how to get that message out. (Which, as you can see, is much like writing and directing plays. Honest.)

So when we found out there’s a live stage version of “What’s My Line?”, complete with celebrity mystery guests, we jumped to become its sponsor.

This is about the show.

This is how to get tickets.

It runs Sundays at 8 pm at the Acme Comedy Theatre in Hollywood. I’ve seen it only once so far but it’s a huge load of fun.

Okay, it’s been two weeks and now there’s a little improvement. Today my jaw feels less like the bombing of Dresden and more isolated sniper fire.