…about 30 years too late. (Putting them in the John Kerry School of Snappy Response class of 2006.)

Here’s the story from Publishers Weekly:

Archie & Gang Get A Makeover

The residents of Riverdale will be get a makeover in an upcoming issue of the Betty and Veronica Digest. Artist Steven Butler, who has worked on Marvel’s Spiderman, will give Archie Andrews and the rest of the Riverdale crew a new, more naturalistic contemporary comic book art style in a new story coming in May 2007. The story, “Bad Boy Trouble,” will be written by Melanie Morgan and debut in Betty and Veronica Double Digest # 151. The story will experiment with a longer format. It will be a four-part story and each part will be 25 pages. If the story meets fan approval, look for the mini-series to be collected into a single volume graphic novel. Archie Comics public relations manager Rick Offenberger said the makeover is strictly an experiment to try an attract older readers and the art style will not be used on any other Archie series. He noted that the manga redesign of Archie Comics’s Sabrina series has been “extremely sucessful.” Offenberger said, “This is a real change for us. If it works we’ll collect it into a book. If the fans hate it; we’ll never do it again.”

By the way, here’s the new Reggie:

And this is the new Jughead:

Two-and-a-half years too late, John Kerry has a comeback: Maybe flip-flopping isn’t a bad thing.

(Regarding Mr. Kerry himself, I don’t foresee a comeback. More of a stayaway.)

In recognition of the holiday and as an admirer of Paul Auster’s work, I thought I’d share his modern Christmas fable (filmed as part of the terrific film “Smoke”), Augie Wren’s Christmas Story. And luckily, here’s a site where someone spent the time to type it for you: Augie Wren’s Christmas Story.

In the film, Augie (Harvel Keitel) relates the story to a fictionalized Auster played by William Hurt. The scene plays out much as this short story does, with the added touch that, as Augie tells the story, the camera pulls in closer and closer toward his mouth and finally his slight smile, raising doubt about the story’s veracity. Part of the point: Whether it’s truth or fiction doesn’t matter — in fact, it’s all fiction, and, as usual with Auster, it’s metafiction (fiction about fiction). As a fable, it’s an evocative and unforgettable story about the sometimes incredible generosity of the human spirit. And that’s what every Christmas story should be about.

Christopher Durang be damned, this is a great Christmas story. (And so, in a way, is his dada Christmas, in which he and his mother reinvent the holiday with abandon.) This is from Mark Evanier’s blog, in which he relates (almost) meeting Mel Torme and instigating a very personal rendition of “The Christmas Song.” Here’s the link.

Christopher Durang on the true meaning(s) of the holidays. For him.

Merry Christmas. May the fat man be good to you too.

I’ve never watched enough television that I thought I’d write such a post, but television has gotten so good that even I’ve noticed. Even then I could have given it all up, though, were it not for:

• Prime Suspect 7 — even now that she’s in retirement, I wonder what Jane Tennison is up to
• The Wire, which every week impressed and surprised me with an intricate and involved storyline depicting the overall crumble of a meretricious society. I especially got caught up in the efforts of the new mayor to make something — anything — better. And Reg E. Cathey’s performance as the chief of staff is an utter delight.
• Battlestar Galactica, for its relevance and high moral ambiguities, especially with regard to the character turns and dilemmas of Colonel Tigh (who sacrificed his own beloved wife in his crusade against the conquerors), the equivocating weakling Gaius Baltar (now navigating his survival among both enemy camps), and Kara Thrace (sundered between braggadocio and self-punishment).
• Doctor Who. This season was the highlight of this series’ 43-year history. Endlessly inventive and delightfully silly, as when the Doctor employed cardboard 3D specs to detect interdimensional rift radiation. If you can watch this show without enjoyment you are bereft of humor.

• Pere Ubu providing live soundtrack to “X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes” at UCLA Live
• Knott’s Scary Farm (despite this year’s absence of the 3D killer clown maze, which must return!)
• Debra Ehrhardt’s one-woman show “Jamaica Farewell” (more about that soon)
• “The Car Plays,” Moving Arts at the Steve Allen Theatre (one of the most memorable theatrical events of my life)
• Election Night 2006 (after a 12-year unhappy spell)
• San Diego Comic Con, of course
• Taking my wife to San Francisco for her first visit
• Seeing Thomas Dolby’s first concert in 25 years with good friend Trey
• Taking my kids fishing (two of them for the first time) and everyone catching a fish
• Being a guest star on Orlando’s Joint and not completely embarrassing myself
• The interactive “Marvel Superheroes Science Exhibition” at the California Science Center (and yes, my kids can shriek louder than Banshee)
• “The Bog People” exhibit at the Natural History Museum — and my daughter deciding to replicate it at home in her own museum
• The dada show at Museum of Modern Art in NYC
• The Paul Auster reading and conversation in LA (even though I didn’t like his new book)
• One night in one of my classes demonstrating conclusively that everyone there could write a play if they’d stop thinking so much, and the feeling of joy and abandon in the room when everyone had done so (if you never get a buzz off teaching, you shouldn’t be teaching)
• Putting together an interactive booth at the Western Food Expo featuring the health nightmare that was “Sloppy Joe’s Cafe” and decorating it with fake roaches, spiders, rats, dung, and vomit
• Seeing Mark Chaet on the back of The New Yorker
• The Black Cat Inn with good friends

• Why I Hate Women by Pere Ubu. Robert Wheeler’s synth and theremin playing brings vibrancy and bristle to all the songs, which comprise the strongest set the band has turned in since “The Tenement Year,” almost 20 years ago.
• St. Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley. I’m just as hooked on “Crazy” as everyone else.

These were really really bad.

• Poseidon. Who knew that the original was an art film? It’s not just improbable — which we expect — it’s unenjoyable.
• Lady in the Water. Somehow or other, even the billboard made it look bad. Just not as bad as it turned out to be. For some reason the alien mermaid chick sits in the shower for long stretches while a wacky cast of characters talks to her from outside the bathroom. Is it over yet?