Because according to a new book, it is an evolutionary warning that you are about to get eaten alive.

My new one-act play, “Next Time,” opened Saturday night at Hunger Artists Theatre in Fullerton. Here’s a trailer for the “Beyond Convention” festival it’s part of. (And no, my particular play is not one that involves making a sandwich, or digging a grave, or leaping through the air with sheets.)

Always choose your URL wisely.

(Thanks to Kimberly Glann for sending this in.)

All of these are legitimate companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear … and be misread. These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. “Who Represents” is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales , http://www.molestationnursery.com/

7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there’s always http://www.ipanywhere.com/

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, http://www.speedofart.com

That’s right, the Bush administration is onto the threat from zombies.

(Thanks to newsfromme.com, where I first saw this.)

For a truly terrifying indicator of the threat we’re facing, make sure you watch to the end.

Over on Slate, they’re serializing the new graphic novel about Ronald Reagan’s life. I don’t know whether or not the printed version is in color, but the online edition is black and white — which seems perfect, because the entire enterprise seems close to a whitewash. Not since George Washington and the cherry tree have we seen such hagiography in service to a dead president. Not only that, the caricatures are bad.

Want to judge for yourself? Click here.

For me the identify of the writer is perhaps the most distressing aspect of this. I expect to disagree with some people about Ronald Reagan and his legacy (which I sum up as turning a blind eye to AIDS, plunging us into debt, manipulating the (non)release of hostages to help secure his election, starting an illegal and undeclared war south of our border, dealing arms to Iran, and launching the government investigation into our bedrooms and bookshelves). But I didn’t expect it to be Andy Helfer. In the late 1980’s, Helfer was the writer of a relaunched comic about the Shadow that brilliantly brought an absurdist filter to the subject. From wikipedia:

In the late 1980s, another DC reincarnation was created by Howard Chaykin, Andy Helfer, Bill Sienkiewicz, and Kyle Baker, in a miniseries and sequel ongoing series. This version brought The Shadow to modern day New York. While initially successful, this version was not popular with “Shadow” traditionalists, because it depicted The Shadow using Uzi submachineguns and rocket launchers, as well as featuring a strong strain of black comedy throughout. It was canceled after an issue in which the Shadow’s head was transplanted onto a robot body.

While I have endlessly recycled thousands of comics over the years (thank you, eBay), I have held onto those. They are wonderful reading. Now it’ll be harder to enjoy them, knowing that 20 years later the writer is plumping for the guy who put all the mental patients out on the street while enriching his friends through an illegal war.

This video, courtesy Mad TV, has eerie ramifications for us all.

One great tonic for the fear-based culture is a strong daily dose of humor. One place I like to get that is from New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast. Chast finds dementia in the daily outlandishness of human relations and household appliances.

Another humorist I enjoy is Steve Martin, he of the stand-up act, the arch fiction pieces, the witty plays, the banjo and balloons, and recently several unfortunate family comedies.

Here is a wonderful video I found online today in which Mr. Martin interviews Ms. Chast about her work. If you’ve had a bad day, well, ever — this is the cure. The entire interview is positively delightful, the cartoons are hilarious, and Martin and Chast, who clearly adore and admire each other, are having the time of their lives. I think Steve Martin deserves an interview show all his own, and I hope that some day we get it. If used properly, this video, which you really should watch, could bring more good to the world than anything currently transpiring in the highest echelons of power.

This was just sent to me, one day after Osama bin Laden rattled his beard at us again. Please note the response from my friend (the sender), and then mine.

To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;

Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 9:13 PM

Subject: Fw: NOT A JOKE

From [name removed by Lee to protect, well, foolishness]

—Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 4:24 PM

Subject: NOT A JOKE

Subject: Fw: Not a Joke!

>

>

>>> I did check this out @ snopes and it is factual.

>>>

>>> Re-Charging Cell Phones went to snopes.com to be sure it wasn’t an

>>> urban

>>> legend & it’s not.

>>> It is very true! And I do this all the time! Not anymore!!!!!!!!

>>> This seems important enough to forward to others. It’s wise to be safe

>>> and

>>> safe being wise.

>>> This was also on Pittsburgh ‘s WTAE channel 4 News.

>>>

>>> Never, ever answer a cell phone while it is being CHARGED !!

>>> A few days ago, a person was recharging his cell phone at home.

>>> Just at that time a call came and he answered it with the instrument

>>> still

>>> connected to the outlet. After a few seconds electricity flowed into the

>>> cell phone unrestrained and the young man was thrown to the ground with

>>> a

>>> heavy thud. His parents rushed to the room only to find him unconscious,

>>> with a weak heartbeat and burnt fingers. He was rushed to the nearby

>>> hospital, but was pronounced dead on arrival. Cell phones are a very

>>> useful

>>> modern invention . Howev er, we must be aware that it can also be an

>>> instrument of death.

>>>

>>> Never use the cell phone while it is hooked to the electrical outlet!

>>>

>>> FORWARD THIS TO THE PEOPLE THAT MATTER IN YOUR LIFE, I JUST DID

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>

My friend’s forwarding note:

Here’s an interesting new trend. People still send these alarming e-mails, but they mention at the beginning that they checked it on snopes.com and it’s true. I checked this one on snopes and, while it’s true that there was one incident like the one described, they go on to point out that it’s the only one they found and doesn’t suggest any danger of it happening again. So, if you get a message that cites snopes, you might want to check that site yourself to find out what it really says.

With reference to the original email:

Oh, brother.

Yet another reminder that assuredly we live in the most fear-based society on the planet.

Ooh, the deadly cellphone is going to kill me.

If this were truly an epidemic, the lawsuits would have been filed long ago, it would have been major news, and cellphones would come wrapped in thick layers of non-conducting rubber.

Every time I come across some new major terribly deadly alert (like those killer bees! imminently arriving for 30 years now!) it makes me wonder about the people who profit from these nonsense distractions. After all, there are truly awful things happening right here in our own society — with our own government, and with uninsured people either suffering untreated or bankrupting hospitals, and with people who should be mental patients left to wander skid rows near you — but who can do anything about any of that, because we’ve got to fear the cellphones.

I pity the kids of the era of Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon and Boomerang and Fox. They’ve got too much choice. For them, every day is a smorgasbord of animated wonderfulness.

For those of us who came of age in the late 1960’s, network cartoons were reserved for Saturday morning, the rest of the day and week were strictly off-limits but for “The Flintstones,” and Sunday was a wasteland unless you settled for the claymation Lutheranism of “Davy and Goliath.” (As I did.)

However.

We did have local kids’ shows, which featured a host and whatever old cartoons he or she could lay hands on. My kids have no idea what a friend my Philadelphia-area generation had in people like Captain Noah, Sally Starr, Wee Willie Webber (that’s him above), Pixanne, and Gene London.

Captain Noah showed terrific cartoons like “Popeye” and sang his own theme song in a thick Philadelphia accent I associated even then with police chief (and then mayor) Frank Rizzo. Gene London drew beautiful sketches (something I envied). Wee Willie Webber showed “Spider-Man” (!). Sally Starr, now an octogenarian, is still doing a regular three-hour radio show from my old stomping area of Vineland, NJ.

This delightful site logs information about the great Philadelphia kids’ shows of the 1960s. An email exchange between friends just now got me thinking about those old TV shows, and led me here.

And now I’m off to the tech rehearsal for my play.

Evidently the backlash on the iPhone price drop was felt in Cupertino and beyond. Apple has announced a rebate for those early adopters.

Interesting that what sparked the outrage was, essentially, good news: the price drop. Clearly, it wasn’t good news to those who had paid full truck.

When I was a kid there was an assumption that all prices would always rise. This was the era of the Nixon/Ford/Carter economy, and the Arab oil embargo (which put my father out of business), so I understand the logic. But now we live in an era when many many prices fall — food prices (adjusted for inflation), gasoline prices the past month or two, and certainly, and ongoingly, technology prices. The laptop I’m writing this on — a MacBook pro — was state of the art in June of 2006 when  I bought it. It was $2500 and came with 512 mb of RAM, 80 gigs of storage capacity, and a 1.83 ghz processor. Now, just over one year later, a similar model would have four times as much RAM (2 mb), 50% more storage, and 20% more speed (2.2 ghz). And it would cost $500 less. The lesson is that you can’t chase technology (as Steve Jobs says, in the link above):  computing power will increase, and prices will decrease — as they have done consistently for 25 years.

So why are the early adopter iPhone buyers who are angry about this price drop so miffed?

Because it makes them look foolish. They bought early, and Apple discounted the price too quickly, so they were punished for buying early.

Early adopters want to look cool, not foolish. They want to feel ahead of the curve, not caught in the blowback of a tailspin.

An important lesson for Apple.