Tonight in a discussion moderated by a funny and fannish Matt Groening at the Writer’s Guild, “Sopranos” creator David Chase was hit with two recurring and predictable questions: Whatever happened to the Russian who escapes into my old stomping grounds in the “Pine Barrens” episode, and, in the words of a misshapen middle-aged woman who seems to have sniffed too much bleach, “That ending — what’s the deal with that?” (I told my friend Terence that when his play “Tangled” opens in June, we’re going to make and pass out t-shirts that say “‘Tangled’ — What’s the deal with that?”)

Chase took the bait on one of these questions, and passed on the other. I think there’s a lesson here for any writer who’s ever in a discussion with his audience.

Here is what dramatists should not do in audience talkback situations:

• In a developmental reading, do not entertain ideas from the audience about how to “fix” or “improve” your play. Let your common sense prevail: If the person offering advice could have written the play better, he already would be doing so rather than offering to do yours for free and for no credit.
• Do not explain your play. Either they didn’t get it because someone didn’t do their job — either you, or the actors, or the director — or because even though everyone did their job, they still just didn’t get it. Explaining it merely assert that it needs to be explained. It doesn’t. It needs to be performed, and that should be the limit explanation.
• Similarly, don’t fill in back story or what would have happened next. It’s in the play, or it isn’t. If it belongs in the play, then put it in. If you don’t, there’s a good reason to leave it out. Filling people in with coulda-wouldas risks making these missing elements seem like shouldas.

That’s pretty much the advice I give to students facing an audience Q&A for the first time. What should a playwright do? Make the theatre or university or foundation or whatever brought you out happy that they did so. That means being charming and funny. Maybe they’ll even have you back.

While David Chase wisely passed on explaining the ending of “The Sopranos,” I’m sad to say that he told us exactly what happened to the Russian, none of which was ever scripted or shot. Boy Scouts find him in the woods, get him back to a hospital, his mob boss gets him back to his native Russia, and there he remains, brain-damaged. I don’t know if Chase was putting us on or not, but this inelegant connect-the-dots outcome, completely lacking in subtlety and wit, will no doubt never leave my mind — and has now forever ruined my favorite episode. I share it with you as a cautionary tale. Some things are better left as they are.

1. In Sunday’s Times, Scott Timberg offers this piece about three youngish men with the audacity to launch print journals. Timberg is a good writer and someone with an eye for important details. Which to me confirms that it was a copy editor who captioned a photo of Keith Gessen on the jump page as “Keith Gesson.” The first rule of journalism: Get people’s names right.
2. Evidently, at least part of the LA Times website is on Eastern time. I say that because every night sometime after 9 PM I’m able to play the next day’s crossword puzzle. If your own website operates in a different time zone, I don’t think you’re building a strong case that your paper is that important. Sorry.

The past six weeks it has been bizarre so often seeing Johnstown, PA in the news as a major campaign stop for the Democratic primary campaigns. Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and for all I know Ralph Nader, have all made several stops. Until now, Johnstown was most famous for the Johnstown floods (all three of them) and for giving us Spider-Man’s co-creator, Steve Ditko.

In my family, it’s been most famous for giving us my mother.

Whenever we would visit on family trips when I was a kid, we would take in the same two Johnstown attractions: the highwater mark on City Hall downtown, which calibrated the effects of the three floods, and the inclined plane, which to me seemed slower than a nasal drip. One thing that always impressed me was the distinct local accent. Her Johnstown heritage is the reason that my mother pronounces “tire,” “tower,” and “tar” identically — “tarrrr,” like a pirate. Johnstonians also call soda “pawp” and at some point manufactured “yins” as a contraction of “you-uns.” I am not making this up. These unfortunate locutions provided fodder for my father, who told people he’d “rescued her from the hillbillies.”

I call my mother every weekend and never tarrrrr of hearing about her “wushin’ dishes” and “arrrrn’n’ clothes.” On Saturday I was unsurprised to hear that she was cooking sauerkraut and pork, although I was surprised to hear her say that she’d burnt the fish she was cooking separately. She blamed me for distracting her. Mom is 83 and that’s probably the first fish she ever burned, and I’m sure she ate it anyway. Those Depression kids are thrifty. I should have asked her how it’s felt seeing Johnstown in the news so frequently again — at my last count, about 19 people still lived in Johnstown, so the competition for votes must be fierce indeed. This will give me something new to ask her about when I visit the first week in June. And maybe by then, the Democrats will even have chosen a presidential candidate.

Pop quiz. See if you can identify what’s factually wrong with this story from the Los Angeles Times:

It used to always be the premium of the premiums. Now the cable pack’s catching up.
By Mary McNamara, Times Television Critic
April 19, 2008
REVOLUTION is a frightening, heady and often fatal business, but it’s what happens afterward that matters most. No one knows this better than the folks at HBO. “John Adams,” which comes to a close Sunday night, has devoted seven beautifully shot hours to defying the often overly patriotic legends of our past with a toothache-and-all portrait of a man who helped define modern democracy, albeit grumbling every step of the way.

In his portrayal of our second president, Paul Giamatti creates a man perpetually dissatisfied, disgusted by the preening ambition of politics even as he is infected by it. If his relentless crankiness was a bit hard for some of us to take in early episodes, in the second half of the series it makes much more sense. While exhorting angry men to throw off the shackles of tyranny offers many opportunities for rhetorical fabulousness, setting up a new government is a bureaucratic nightmare, with oversized personalities disagreeing over things both petty and fundamental. George Washington (David Morse) so quickly tired of the infighting among his Cabinet and vagaries of public opinion that he stepped down from the presidency after a single term. “I know now what it is like to be disliked,” he says to Adams, his perpetually disliked vice president.

I’ll bet you got it.

As most of us learned in grade school — or as one could have learned even by watching the “John Adams” miniseries this piece touches on — Washington served TWO terms, not one.

This is something evidently unknown not only to the Times Television Critic, but also to the copy desk of what claims to be one of the nation’s most important newspapers.

I recently told a friend that I’ve felt so sorry for Times employees that I’ve stopped picking on the paper. Despite its misspelling Allen Ginsberg’s name on the front page when he died. Despite the routine errors of both commission and omission. The paper has been shedding longtime employees left and right — including some friends of mine — and I do love reading the daily newspaper, so this is the cri de couer of a wounded lover. But by God, if you can’t even get right that the Founder, the “indispensable man” of American history, served EIGHT years and NOT FOUR, then perhaps you shouldn’t be publishing a newspaper.

(With all apologies to friends still writing for the paper.)

A friend recently directed me to this video, and I’m glad he did. It’s 19 minutes well-spent. In it, Sir Ken Robinson addresses the TED Conference on the topic of learning — what it has meant in the past, and why the current system isn’t built for the future. In some ways, what he’s calling for sounds like a new entrepreneurial approach. (And by that, I don’t mean privatized education; I mean consumer-based.)

I can personally relate to this as someone who was a victim of a hidebound school system every inch of the way until college — which surprisingly offered me choices I’d never realized one could have, even though I’d always felt I should have had them.

In that selfsame issue of Reason, Ronald Bailey debunks yet again the myth that the U.S. was founded by observant and proselytizing Christians. He also reminds us just how recent and faddish evangelism is — and how it may be a fad that is ending.

Let’s hope so. Because in today’s news there was little I found quite as distressing as this piece, which shows Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama trying to out-God each other in Pennsylvania (an event that no doubt made Benjamin Franklin’s gout flare up in the great hereafter).  I don’t care which is more godly (given the history of things done in the names of so many disagreeing and disagreeable gods). I care which has a better sense of how to help us here on Earth.

Today I got a Google alert that Lee Wochner had died.

That caught my attention, so I clicked on the link.

Here’s what I learned:

Leland R. “Lee” Wochner
DECATUR – Leland R. “Lee” Wochner, 80, Decatur, retired from Caterpillar Inc., died Tuesday (April 8, 2008). Services: 10 a.m. Saturday, Brintlinger and Earl Funeral Homes, Decatur. Visitation: 6 to 8 p.m. Friday, with 8 p.m. Masonic services. Burial: Salem Cemetery. Memorials: Decatur Masonic Temple Building Restoration Fund or Macon County Animal Control and Care Center.
Published in the Decatur Herald & Review on 4/11/2008.

You can understand my relief in seeing that I wasn’t the dead person. (Although, like Mark Twain, I was curious to see what people would have said.)

In one of the many wondrous examples of the fascinating adventures one can lead through the internet, I actually “met” (virtually) Leland R. Wochner about 10 years ago. Someone emailed me something thinking that I was he, which led me back to him. I remember him as rather crochety, but I also recall being impressed with his just getting started on the internet at age 70. Ten years ago, that was noteworthy.

My full first name, by the way, is Lee. Not Leland, or Leon, or Leeward, or any of those. My mother chose the name because she had three children before me all of whom got a nickname: Raymond became “Raymie” or “Ray,” Michael became “Mikey” or “Mike” (although we family members all still call him Michael), and Lorene got tagged with “Lorie.” So my mother looked for a name she didn’t think would result in a nickname, and here I am with it. And it worked.

Given the rarity of the combination of my first and last names — “Lee” not sounding terribly, well, German, and therefore an unusual choice — it was surprising indeed (and, as Freud would note, disappointing) finding someone else with the same name. I’m just glad I’m not dead as well.

I guess the April Fool’s joke was on me: Shortly after I posted a few things on April 1st, something took down this blog, corrupted a posting, and left us with a blank white page. A big thank-you to my business partner, Amy Kramer, for reloading the database prior to April 1st.

If you’re just tuning in now, here’s a quick recap of what transpired in those blog postings, now forever lost to the sands of time:

While at the state Democratic Convention, I did get to hear Bill Clinton give a speech that utterly convinced me I should vote for… him if it were possible. He certainly has a command of the issues, and plenty of good-sounding ideas of what to do about them. I did wonder what this has to do with his wife (translation: nothing), and I did wonder, um, just why he didn’t roll out these solutions when he was president. Oh, that’s right: He was too busy dicking around with, to name one thing, impeachment, which stemmed from his lying under oath. While I certainly preferred Bill to the current occupant of the White House — and, to keep noting it for posterity, at least one can say that Bill Clinton actually got elected and didn’t steal the presidency — I wish I could remember all the great achievements for which he will be remembered. (There was one: balancing the budget. That was a good one. That was also with a Republican Congress.) Even though ordinarily Bill Clinton could talk the varnish off prized antiques, no one was buying the thrust of his argument: “I can solve everything — so you should vote for my wife. I vouch for her.” As I said to a client that week, “You hire me for my skills. If I get hit by a bus, would you hire my wife?” Because, let us note, Hillary Clinton has precisely zero of her husband’s skills. And not a whole lot of others instead.

I blogged about a short play I wrote while at the convention. I saw something on MSNBC, went in to my hotel room bathroom to wash my face, looked in the mirror and then heard myself thinking, “But what happened after that…?” And there was the play. I went back to my laptop and wrote it and emailed it out and now it’s going to be produced his summer. More about that soon.

I also wrote what I’m sure at the time seemed like funny postings about forthcoming vacation trips to, oh, Mars and other places. It was April 1st, after all. Now it’s a week later and it doesn’t seem funny and I wonder if it was something I linked to that took down the blog.

Since then, I’ve been caught up in producing the 2008 USC MPW One-Act Play Festival, which previews tomorrow night and then runs Tuesday and Wednesday evenings at a beautiful mid-sized theatre in the Little Tokyo area of downtown Los Angeles. Here’s some info about it. (And there’s a link for tickets at the bottom of the page; Wednesday is sold out, but Tuesday has a few seats left.)

And that about brings us back to… now.

It’s good to be back.

My family and I are up in the mountains in a rented log cabin at an elevation of 6000 feet. We have no cellphone access — but there is WiFi somewhere around here, because I’m using it.

“Log cabin” doesn’t really do this justice. It’s a beautiful two-story house (that happens to be made out of logs), with a commanding view on all sides of… trees. Luckily, I like trees. We are also directly abutting a trailhead with hiking trail and thunderous stream. And although it’s about 50 degrees at the moment (perhaps warmer), there are large patches of snow on the ground. I take it to mean that there was a lot of snow here until very recently.

I’ll take some photos and may put one or two up. If we run into a bear, which we’ve been warned about, and you don’t later see a photo here, you’ll know what happened.

Today the chair of the California Democratic Party announced that Bill Clinton will be addressing us this Sunday at the Convention. When I shared this with various people today, the news elicited these responses:

“Ugh.”

“I used to like him.”

“I liked him better when he wasn’t campaigning for his wife.”

“(a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan.)”

Whether or not Bill’s having a positive effect on Hillary’s campaign, he’s sure not doing himself any favors lately.