Don’t worry about zombies — take action. Here’s a great site that can help you get outfitted to handle the forthcoming trouble. Remember, those Canadian researchers concluded that zombies must be dealt with efficiently and quickly. So you’re going to want to order now.
My friend Bob Stern from the Center for Governmental Studies lays out the case for a California constitutional convention. This definitely has seemed to be in the air everywhere I’ve been in this state the past nine months, and understandably so. Depending upon whom you listen to, California is the world’s 6th or 7th or 8th largest economy. It boasts the richest agricultural sector in the world, is the birthplace of the internet, has the nation’s busiest port, is the entertainment capital of the world, and is home to Silicon Valley. Even with all those resources, our schools are falling apart, our roads and bridges are breaking down, traffic is at a standstill, and it’s been 23 years since the Legislature has submitted an on-time, balanced, budget. That doesn’t sound like a leadership problem; that sounds like systemic dysfunction.
Here’s the trailer for “Colin,” the latest in a slew of zombie movies. What makes this one notable is that it was shot on camcorder, with a budget of all of 45 British pounds (about 70 bucks). And it has a distribution deal. Given the economy and the battering some studios have taken at the box office, we may start to see movies that cost less than the Carl’s Jr. Six Dollar Burger.
By the way, a recent study by two Canadian universities concludes that if zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilization unless dealt with quickly and aggressively. My own conclusion is that Canadian universities have the funding for such important studies because of the savings says they’ve found thanks to their national health-care system.
Thought I’d post an update about the young entrepreneurs I profiled yesterday. In the two hours they were open yesterday, they grossed $17.30. Given their extremely low overhead, that was also their net income. In true entrepreneurial fashion, they are now considering quitting their day jobs, which pay a measly $2 each per week in “allowance.” I’ll keep you posted as developments arise.
There are still bright spots in the economy. All the business journals advise that now is the time to start a business. So I’d like to applaud the latest startup, which opened today in my own neighborhood. If you’re in the area, I hope you’ll stop on by. I was only the first of their many customers so far. And I have to say, the fresh-squeezed orange juice they offer was the best I’ve had in a long time!
Here’s one of those Car Plays I’m always talking about here. This is the animated version of my friend Terence Anthony’s play, “Choke,” featuring three terrific actors I’ve been lucky to work with a little bit myself (Sara Wagner, Rodney Hobbs, and Bostin Christopher). If you’ve seen Terence’s other cartoon, “Orlando’s Joint,” you know what you’re about to get: really funny, really dark. (Which is why I love his work.) Enjoy!
Oh, surly teenaged girl working counter number four at Milt & Edie’s drycleaning
I am sorry that I’m middle-aged and of no interest to you.
And I’m sorry that I’m at your counter,
But this is where they sent me.
I can see that you’d rather watch Shakira on the jumbo video screen
Above the people who fix hems and sew on buttons.
But I just need my drycleaning.
Please.
I stopped going to Flair Cleaners on the day three teenaged girls fought
Over who would have to wait on me.
So I have nowhere else to go.
And I like it at Milt & Edie’s, I really do,
And I’ve got my checkbook right here,
And I think if Milt were here to see this
My check would be in his hand and you’d be lying dead on his floor here.
So may I have my drycleaning?
Please?
Before things get really dirty?
Some images are so wrong that you just have to develop a deep love for them. The bigger such an image is, the better.
Like Chicken Boy, “the statue of liberty of Los Angeles.”
Like the ballerina clown of Venice, Los Angeles.
And the Circus Liquor clown.
The Circus Liquor clown adorns a grubby liquor store in a tatty neighborhood of North Hollywood not far from my home (which is in a much nicer section, of Burbank, I assure you). Several times over the past 20 years, the clown has successfully lured me into the liquor store, where I’ve found dead flies, snacks coated in dust, and odd old liquors last seen in early adaptations of “Treasure Island.” I may be slow, but even I have finally realized that it’s the clown I love, and he’s best admired from outside the store.
Anyone who has ever visited a circus or, even better, a carnival, knows the relationship between besotted leering clowns such as this and kiddie entertainment. The performers or ride operators are often people surprised to find themselves having come to this, and so they hit the bottle every night — even while operating the Whirl-A-Gig with screaming kids inside. (I have seen this, and I’ll bet you have too.) Bobcat Goldthwait certainly understands this dynamic, as he demonstrated in his misunderstood cinematic classic, “Shakes the Clown.” (Which I recommend unreservedly.)
If you are sadly far removed by distance and circumstance from your own wide-eyed admiration of the Circus Liquor clown, I now present you with good news. 3 Fish Studios in San Francisco has decided to pay tribute to iconic LA images with a series of collectible but low-priced lino-cuts, and they have shown the eminent good taste to include the Circus Liquor clown. Here’s more information about the whole series and where to get it, and just to show you what you should be buying while it’s available, here’s the Circus Liquor clown, made even more sinister via art.
Finally, I leave you with this. The cohort of Circus Liquor clown admirers grows daily. When I shared with my good friend the playwright Ross Tedford Kendall my admiration for the liquor clown, he smartly emailed me this strip from Bill Griffiths. As with so many other fine things in life, Zippy the Pinhead is ahead of the curve.
I guess my refusal to fund the federal Democrats any more until they really do something already has them scrambling in DC. According to the New York Times, Democratic strategists have actually counted the number of Democrats in Congress and have realized that they don’t need any Republicans to pass health care. This is something that those of us with better arithmetic skills figured out months ago.
My “favorite” part of this story (and I use the word “favorite” here with full sarcasm):
[This realization] could alter the dynamic of talks surrounding health care legislation, and even change the substance of a final bill. With no need to negotiate with Republicans, Democrats might be better able to move more quickly, relying on their large majorities in both houses.
Are we paying these guys? Because it beggars the imagination to figure out how they rose to such high stations in life if they couldn’t figure this out until now. If only the Bush/Cheney regime had been so politically clueless.
If I were Barbara Boxer, whom would I hope, wish, and pray to run against in November of next year?
Why, precisely the person who today filed papers to run: Carly Fiorina. Her term as CEO of Hewlett Packard was such a disaster they should’ve renamed the company Hewlett Edsel.
Here’s my favorite line from the story in today’s LA Times:
Fiorina was fired from Hewlett Packard after a rocky tenure marked by lavish compensation, layoffs and a messy merger.
Oh, is that all. Wow. What a great time in the zeitgeist to run with that resume. Perhaps we should add: “And then served as a senior adviser to John McCain’s presidential campaign.” With a resume so untrammeled by success, I’m surprised Fiorina didn’t move over to AIG.
The Boxer campaign will doubtless act down-in-the-mouth about the prospects of squaring off against what they’ll play up as the fearsome and well-financed Fiorina. But secretly they must be licking their lips.