Finally, an answer to one of the most pointed questions around:  “Why do boys (including my own) like sticks?“

I know a lot of Americans are out of work. So it’s comforting to know that at least this one person is back hard at work, although for less money and in a new field. See?  There are jobs out there.

If, like me, you’ve been on hold seemingly forever waiting for the iPhone to come to Verizon, this might interest you:  the differences between the Verizon offering and the existing AT&T iPhone.

For 20 years now, I’ve taught a private playwriting workshop on Saturday mornings. Occasionally, someone will wander in unannounced off the street — sometimes it’s someone in the wrong place, sometimes it’s someone who’s early for whatever is following me, and sometimes, just sometimes, it’s a strange person off the street, in which case I have to deal with ousting them, sometimes physically. This has happened only twice at this location, and once at a theatre in West LA where I was once involved. This past Saturday, someone came in and sat down and wouldn’t leave, and at first I thought this was another of those situations — only, thankfully, to realize my error, apologize deeply, and invite the person to stay. (I had sent him the wrong email, and so he thought he’d been invited.) With a little time, the situation was calmed and we all returned to the work at hand.

Then I got into my car and heard about the Tucson shootings. Which had me wondering:  What if the visitor to my workshop had indeed been deranged, as I mistakenly thought so at first? And how lucky had I been in dealing with actual lunatics previously?

I don’t have any great platform that I seek to mount on this issue, and I haven’t figure out anything more than anyone else has. What I have done, though, is collect some thoughts over the past five days:

1. While lunatics are predisposed to do whatever it is they’re going to do, the recent atmosphere of political hate speech is unlike anything I’ve seen in my lifetime, and is no doubt further firing them up. I didn’t like what I saw at the health-care rally I attended two years ago:  lots of deep, menacing anger. I was genuinely worried for Congressman Adam Schiff, and couldn’t help wondering what he’d done to deserve this. The same went for President Obama, but he wasn’t there, while Schiff was.
2. At the same time, I think it’s a very very very bad idea to try to legislate away free speech, as this Democratic congressman is proposing.
3. I know it’s a cliche, but I have to say it:  I grew up shooting guns, and I never shot anyone. Neither did my father, or my his friends, or his friends’ kids, or my brother-in-law, or my nephew, or my nephew-in-law, or my son, or my other son, or anyone else I know. We should enforce the gun laws we have (and it sounds like Jared Loughner slipped through the cracks, in yet another instance). And we should restrict semi-automatic and automatic weapons. But further restrictions on guns overall? It’s not going to happen, and I’m not sure it should. If I hit you with my car, you aren’t going to restrict everyone else’s access to a car.
4. Six people were killed, including the 9-year-old girl (and I cannot imagine what her parents are feeling about this), and a score of people were injured. Who wasn’t injured? Sarah Palin. Someone should tell her. Her self-serving sanctimonious defense is nauseating.
5. Someone who is going to take a hit politically:  Republicans. However you feel about that, bet on it, at least in the short term. This is why they delayed the phony “repeal” vote of the Affordable Care Act. Republicans didn’t create the Tea Party, and so far the Tea Party includes only one crazed gun nut, and it’s always unfair to judge a mass movement by the actions of one lone person. But perceptions become reality, and the Republicans themselves are concerned that they can’t control Tea Party activists. Which is why some Republicans are leaving the party rather than face them.
6. We would all be better off if we’d just tone it down.

There are eight million stories of trying to deal with the City of Los Angeles. This, from my friend Tom, is one of them:

Because we own a duplex the City of Los Angeles has it listed as a rental property.  Every year we receive a bill from the city to register the property and every year we file for an exemption for “owner occupied” so we don’t have to pay.  This year when the bill arrived it had two addresses listed, ours and some number between ours and the building next door.

I called the Los Angeles Housing Department (LAHD) and had the following conversation . . .

Me       – Hi, I wanted ask about my bill.

LAHD – You want to ask about your bill?

Me       – Yes.

LAHD – OK, how may I help you?

Me       – The bill shows that I filed for an exemption last year.

LAHD – Yes, you filed for an exemption last year.

Me       – But last year you said I couldn’t have an exemption and you made me pay the bill.

LAHD – Yes, you paid last year.  Are you filing for another exemption this year?

Me       – Yes, but you have two addresses listed on the bill

LAHD – Yes, two addresses are listed on your bill

Me       – But we only own the one property

LAHD – But you have two addresses listed on your bill

Me       – I know, but we only own the one property

LAHD – Then you put the address wrong last year

Me       – No, I just sent in the form you sent me

LAHD – With the wrong address

Me       – No, last year it had the right address.  I just requested an exemption.

LAHD – So, this year you can fix the address.  Just change it on the form and send it in.

Me       – I wanted to use your website.

LAHD – OK, you can use the website.

Me       – But when I went on the website it says it’s down.

LAHD – Yes, the website is down.

Me       – Do you know when it will be back up?

LAHD – No, the website is down.  It’s broken, that’s why it’s down.

Me       – So what if I try it tomorrow?  Will it be up then?

LAHD – Yes, you could try it again tomorrow if you like.

Me       – Thank you.

LAHD – OK, good bye.

Girls, are you alone? Do find yourself in strange circumstances all by yourself — outside in your pajamas, in a marsh with kitchenware, or trapped in limbo? Clearly, what you need is:  a salad.

How did several of the new “anti-establishment” Tea Party-supported Congressmen start their new positions this week? By hiring lobbyists and taking succor from corporate fundraisers.

Even with this latest disaster, I’m rooting for that Spider-Man musical.

Along the lines of my previous post:

“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.  Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”  ~Mark Twain