About a million individual bug bites.

I didn’t see any of the notorious greenhead flies I grew up with. In the insect world, greenhead flies are the carnivorous flying Sherman Tank counterpart of the common housefly. They are heavily armored, and sink a tanker-sized pipeline into your arm or leg or neck. If you hit them, they pause, look up at you insolently, then fly off with the hunk of your flesh they’ve just extracted. The bite zone later turns into a burning itchy welt the size of Minneapolis. Whenever I’ve reported this to friends and acquaintances, they’ve seemed dubious — until seeing it in action themselves. Then I’ll get a call or email the tenor of which is:  “I can’t believe it! They’re huge, and they’re vicious, and you can’t kill them. You can’t!” Greenheads swarm to humans near water, which when I was a kid always made for a great day at Brigantine Beach. After my parents put in a pool whenever the family was swimming and one of us reported sighting the first greenhead fly, we’d all bolt for the safety of indoors.

It rained almost continuously the past two weeks while we were in the Pine Barrens, which dampened greenhead activity. (I guess the heavy buggers can’t get off the ground with the extra weight of water.) I didn’t see a one, although I sure wanted to show them just once to my doubting kids. But no fear, there were plenty of other biting bugs, which left a maze of dots all across my daughter’s back. Mosquitoes are troubling, sure, but at least you can hear them coming, and you can relish the triumph of slapping their slow asses. It’s the sneaky teeny gnats, or no-see-ums, that feasted on our sweet Southern California flesh.

Now we’re in the airport awaiting our return to Los Angeles, where all these menacing mites were exterminated long ago. Which is one good thing you can say for air pollution.

The New York Times reports that Dick Cheney has found a publisher for his memoir.

Unsurprisingly, it’s the publishing company headed by Mary Matalin.

I’m sure this book will be the hot fiction release of 2011.

I follow a few right-wing people on Twitter in an attempt to preserve my open-mindedness and to hear what’s going on in one of the other camps. (I consider the extreme left to be in a different camp from me as well.)

The past week these folks seem to be agitating mostly against President Obama’s measured response to what’s going on in Iran. They keep contrasting it with Ronald Reagan’s “Tear down this wall” speech at the Berlin Wall. So I keep asking them what it is they would like Obama to do about this nascent freedom effort in Iran, and not one of them has given me a straight answer. If they want condemnation of how the Iranian protestors are being treated, he’s done that, and he just did it again today. Do they want Obama to forcefully declare his support of the  protestors’ cause? Because that’s sure to backfire (one way to lose popularity with masses in the Middle East:  have the U.S. adopt your cause). Do they want us to invade? That’s so last administration. So… what is it? What do they want — other than to just complain, no matter what the Obama administration does.

I’ve written here before about California Assemblyman Paul Krekorian, a political leader I admire. He may be planning a run for Los Angeles City Council, partly because of term limits, which restrict Assembly members to six years in office.

In other words, soon after learning how to be effective in the position, you’re out. Say what you will about then-Governor Pete Wilson and then-Speaker Willie Brown, they knew enough about California’s levers of power to steer us out of our previous economic collapse, in 1991. That’s because they had been on the job for quite a while — Brown for 27 years at that point. I’m opposed to term limits, and I’m surprised they aren’t unconstitutional.

Anyway, while I was out of town the Burbank Leader ran a story about Paul Krekorian’s probable run for City Council, and I took the opportunity to  knock term limits. This is a mini-spiel I give as often as possible in the hopes that finally enough of us will feel this way that we can get rid of term limits. Everywhere I’ve gone while here in New Jersey, people have asked incredulously about my adopted state’s budget catastrophe, “What happened to California?” My response:  Proposition 13 (which destroyed our tax base), a 2/3 vote requirement to pass a budget (which disproportionately empowers a caveman minority in the Legislature), pay-to-play politics, and term limits. All of which has more of us than ever hoping for a state constitutional convention.

If you’re going to commit suicide (and really, most of us would rather you didn’t), don’t do it at someone’s business. Especially in this economy.

There’s the ability to change your mind or get along with others. Then there’s this sort of flexibility. (Watch past the first 50 seconds.) I’m betting these girls were extremely popular with G.I.s.

(Thanks to friend and blog reader Rich Roesberg for making me aware of this video.)

OK, those tickets are now on sale for this Sunday’s added playdate of “The Car Plays.” If past performance is any indication, you’ve got about 9 minutes to get to the Moving Arts website.

Likelihood that changing my Twitter picture to green will free the Iranian people (as so many seem to hope): nil.

Along the same lines, I don’t think tying yellow ribbons around trees did anything except perpetuate Tony Orlando’s career.

Here’s a great way the company you work for can beat this recession:  Get you to work for free.

As promised, I’m still watching for the on-sale notice for tickets to the one night of added performances of The Car Plays. So far, they’re still not on sale. But maybe it’s better if you don’t rely on me. Maybe, if you want to get one of those scarce tickets (only 90 more will be available), you’d be better off keeping an eye on the Moving Arts site yourself.

For more info on The Car Plays, here’s a story that ran today in a London (?) newspaper. And no, the cars in our plays will not be parked on the wrong side of the road.