Lee Wochner: Writer. Director. Writing instructor. Thinker about things.


How to tell a closet case

Few people are more miserable than closet cases. My gay friends told me this years ago, and it seems truer and truer. Case in point:  Bush campaign chief Ken Mehlman who has now announced that he’s gay. Evidently, he’s only recently come to this conclusion, and now must bear the agony of helping Karl Rove fan the flames of homophobia for fun and profit. In previous off-the-record interviews, it’s revealed that Mehlman “often wondered why gay voters never formed common cause with Republican opponents of Islamic jihad, which he called ‘the greatest anti-gay force in the world right now.'” Theory for you Ken:  Maybe it was all the hatred you and your pals were stirring up against, well, your own kind.

Not sure how to spot closeted gays? I understand. I have poor gaydar. I’m someone who’s still unsure that all the guys on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” were gay. Sure, they were knowledgeable about hair products and where the couch should go, but that doesn’t always translate into “gay.” But now I’ve locked into one surefire tell-tale clue. You should just assume that any Republican opposed to gays and gay marriage is himself a self-loathing closeted gay person. That would explain Congressman Mark Foley, Ken Mehlman, Senator Larry Craig, Pastor Ted Haggard, Congressman Bob Allen, California State Senator Roy Ashburn and so many others. Now I understand whom they hate, and why.

One Response to “How to tell a closet case”

  1. Dan Says:

    Self-hatred is often turned outward, Lee, and generally with rather unpleasant results.

Leave a Reply