Just now I got a call from a telemarketer soliciting donations for the Veterans of Foreign Wars. Paraphrasing, here’s her closing:

“Mr. Wochner, as you know, our veterans have sacrificed so much for our freedom. That’s why we’re making these calls on behalf of the Veterans of Foreign Wars so that we can honor our brave veterans who have sacrificed so much for us. The top honor we give them, which shows them really how much we respect their sacrifice, is $100. We do have another level of honor, which is only $50. Should I put you down for that, or for the top honor?”

Her honeyed voice betokened a southerner:  the sort of good ol’ gal who pronounces “you” as “yew” and does her best to ingratiate herself with fellow good ol’ folks. (In other words, John Edwards, with fewer $400 haircuts.) Given the target market for this appeal, I’m sure the selection of calling firms and their calling voices is intentional. (And why am I getting this sort of call more frequently? Because once I subscribed to Reason, the magazine of the libertarians, all sorts of unattractive causes and groups have tried to embrace me as their own.)

When she asked which “honor” she could put me down for, I said:  “I think the best way to honor our veterans is not to invade countries that don’t attack us, so they don’t have to die or have limbs blown off.”

After a pause, during which she did not acknowledge that comment, she did her best to tie back in the notion of sacrifice (which I had just noted), and how they were due this honor.

So I replied, “How much of this goes to the veterans?”

In that molasses drawl – still working to be polite, but hearing the edge in my voice – she said, “Excuse me?”

“I said, how much of this ‘honor’ goes to the veterans?”

“Well, that’s a very complicated answer.”

“Actually, it’s a very simple answer. You’re calling from a for-profit fundraising organization, right?”

Meekly:  “Yes.”

“And the non-profit has to file paperwork showing the fundraising expense behind this. So what is it? What percentage goes to ‘honoring’ the veterans?”

“Sir, I can put my manager on. I’m sure she has answers to these questions.”

There was a click, and then a woman I take to be the manager picked up.

“This is Leeza. Sir, did you have a question?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’ve been invited to honor our veterans by paying either $50 or $100 to honor them. I’d like to know how much of the honor goes to them.”

She repeated the same line:  “That’s a very complicated answer.”

I explained to her why it wasn’t. And then, in what she intended as a long answer with more camouflage, and which included an offer to mail me some “information,” she let it slip:  “about 20%.”

“Did you say ‘about 20%’?” I said.

“Again, sir, that’s a complicated answer.”

“No, you said ‘about 20%.’ So it’s less than 20%. So if I send you $100, less than 20 bucks is in some way, shape, or form going to make its way to the Veterans of Foreign Wars. That doesn’t sound like much of an honor. In fact, it sounds rather dishonorable, especially given the level of their sacrifice, which you keep noting. I mean, if they’re dying over there, or getting their limbs blown off, surely they deserve more than 20%. More than 50%! I think they should get it all.”

Now unsure what to say, she offered again to mail me something. I decided to let her off the hook so I could share this story with you, and said, “That’s okay. As you can tell from my questions, I’m not going to be sending a donation.”

“Thank you very much, sir,” she said, and hung up – no doubt striking me forever from their particular call list.

I did want to say other things, but I think they would have fallen on deaf ears. I know you’ll take them to heart, though, so here they are:

Although of course there are always fundraising expenses, if the cause is worthy it’s shameful to keep the majority of a donation. If the cause isn’t worthy, it doesn’t merit a donation.

I’m sickened by the treatment of our soldiers and our veterans, and I recognize our enormous obligation to them. But we do pay taxes to take care of them, and if that isn’t happening – whether at Walter Reed or in the field – then we need to fix that system and prosecute the people at fault. Sending phony tributes through telemarketers does nothing.

Finally, our best long-term solution is to elect people to Congress and the White House who have a better understanding of the world and how it works – and who therefore know better than to embroil us in dangerous, ill-conceived, badly executed foreign missions with no clear exit strategy.

Sending money to people turning a buck off the mutilation of our armed forces is stupid and disgusting.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 17th, 2008 at 6:54 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.