Last year when I flew back east with my family, a TSA agent detained my 12-year-old daughter to search her floral pink roll-on bag. While Emma stood there and cried, the agent pulled out markers, drawing paper, socks, and girls panties, but no weapons or explosives. None of the  passengers seemed reassured that a terrorist threat had been averted. I know I wasn’t, and my wife was so angry that, if anything, the level of potential threat rose.

Yesterday while flying home, a friend and her family were similarly held up by TSA, this time so that her son could be frisked.  Clearly, he is another imminent threat. (He starts kindergarten tomorrow.)

Good news, though:   The TSA is further bolstering its training and its security measures. Now, in addition to frisking kids and pawing their gummy bears, they will chat up everyone in line. After an extensive two-week training course, they will employ new skills in casual interrogation and reading of  “micro-expressions.” I don’t mind their reading my expressions — I’m going to make them no matter what — but here is my planned answer when they ask me what is the purpose of my trip:  “None of your damn business. I still live in what’s left of America.” And then they can read the accompanying expression on my face.

If the Taliban or al Qaeda ever succeed in convincing middle-class Americans to strap their kids with explosives to blow up planes, I suggest that we just turn the country over to them, because truly they will have won, and deservedly so, because we will have abandoned all decency, all morality, and every shred of common sense. In the meantime, I think they should leave the kids alone and not grill us about where we’re going or why.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 17th, 2011 at 10:37 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.