The new D.B. Cooper
Earlier today my friend Max Sparber put this lyric on Facebook, in response to the story of Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who quit his job after getting assaulted by a passenger, and who then grabbed a beer, opened the cabin door, and slid off the plane:
THE BALLAD OF STEVEN SLATER
Ain’t we all had a day
When we just had enough
Ain’t it true each one of us
Has been battered, worn, and rough
Ain’t you never felt irate
And won’tcha get irater
Well, my friends, we have a hero now
I speak of Steven Slater
It ain’t that easy to ride the skies
Laboring for JetBlue
A man’s got to keep widened eyes
For terrorists or shampoo
And worser still are the passengers
They turn a kind man to a hater
Won’t nobody stand up to this?
One man: Steven Slater
There was a particular day
And a particular customer
Who grew abusive to Steven
when he instructed her
She was endangering herself
And he didn’t care to debate her
And all at once she struck his head
She struck at Steven Slater
Some will say he made a scene
Or it was a crime
But Steven he had had enough
And if he has to, he’ll do time
Perhaps it’s great to keep your cool
But sometimes it is greater
To bid one final fuck you too
As did Steven Slater
He cursed her on the intercom
So that everyone could hear
And he then bid his adieu
And he grabbed himself a beer
And threw open the JetBlue door
With an escape slide and its inflater
And he slid down, drinking, shouting fuck you
Our hero, Steven Slater
The police they went after him
They caught him in his bed
He was supposed to finish work but he was
In flagrante delicto instead
A hero and a lover now, not a
Circumnavigater
Say what you will, but tip your hat
To a man who had enough
A man named Steven Slater.
To which I responded: Truly, Steven Slater will be the D.B. Cooper or Jesse James of our time. (Except: worse getaway.)
It didn’t take long for my prediction to come true. Here he is, mere hours later, getting lauded as a “working class hero.”
How long will his 15 minutes last? It depends upon the popularity of the reality TV show sure to follow, and the surrounding social media. And how quickly someone else with an equally interesting story zips into view.